Couples Therapy
by Beautifully Tragic Girl
Summary: When happens when Morrible sends Elphaba and Fiyero to couples therapy. Hilarity ensures. Shizera. Musicalvereish.


**Disclaimer: Just for this moment, as long as it's mine, can be how i want to and see how bright i shine. Borrow the characters, til the story's through. *Scoffs at terrible song writing* i don't own it. **

**A/N: A random one shot that was inspired by my sister going to visit shrink. Thank you Ari. Dr. Dillamond is not a goat, it's just i needed a name. **

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**Couples Therapy**

"I hate you."

"I hate you more."

"You're impossible. All you ever care about is yourself."

"That's because I'm the only thing worth caring for."

"Why you insolent, idiotic—"

Suddenly a door was cracked open revealing a very distressed looking Madame Morrible, who was practically seething, "Madame Morrible, fancy seeing you here," Fiyero said adding a small wave at the end. Morrible just stood there glaring at the two students.

"Well considering this is my office," she said gesturing to the door, "What were you two doing?"

Elphaba chuckled nervously, "Erm... we're just going now. Come on Fiyero." _Why did we have to argue in front of Morrible's office? Of all the places._

"Don't tell me what to do!" Fiyero yelled.

She glared at him, "Shut up."

He shut up immediately. Why did she have to be so... intimidating.

"Here," Morrible said giving them some sort of ticket. Fiyero was about to grab the tickets when Elphaba snatched them out of Morrible's hand.

"What are they?" Elphaba asked.

Fiyero feigned shock, "Is it possible that Elphaba the smartass of Crage Hall doesn't know something."

"Shut up."

"Anyway," Morrible said changing the subject, "They're tickets to Dr. Dillamond, They were meant for my husband and me, but I see you need them more than we do."

Elphaba looked at Fiyero and blushed, a nice rosy colour tinging her cheeks.

"But I don't want to go to some dumb show," Fiyero whined.

"Can it Tiggular," Elphaba snapped.

Suddenly Morrible's phone rang, "What!?"

Elphaba and Fiyero heard some muffled yelling in the phone and stuff being thrown. They glanced at each other unsure on what to do.

"PHIL IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOUR STUPID DOG CHEWED THE TELEPHONE LINE!!!"

They both heard more yelling and more stuff being thrown.

"STOP CALLING ME AT WORK, IF YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH. MARRY HER THEN!!!" She hung up the phone and threw it against the wall.

Elphaba and Fiyero looked at each other again, "Um... are you sure you don't want the tickets back?" Fiyero asked.

"NO, It's fine," she yelled and slammed the door in his face.

Her eyes soon met his, "So what are we gonna do?" She asked after a while.

Fiyero merely shrugged. "I guess we have to go," He grumbled bitterly.

Elphaba searched his eyes, trying to read him, finally she gave a sigh, "I guess so."

**The Next Day**

"Hello, I'm Dr. Dillamond and welcome to my show. The topic we are discussion today is arguing couples!" Dr. Dillamond announced avidly. The audience cheered.

"Couples?!" Elphaba said in a whispered and shouted to Fiyero once they were backstage.

"Dammit, this was meant for Morrible and her husband," Fiyero groaned.

"Please welcome, Elphaba Thropp and Prince Fiyero Tiggular!" Dr. Dillamond beamed. Deafening fan girl screams could be heard as well as confused grunts and gasps of horror as Elphaba stepped on stage.

She rolled her eyes and said, once the audience was quiet, "No I'm not seasick, yes I've always been green no I didn't each grass as a child!!!"

The audience said no more about her pigmentation.

Elphaba and Fiyero took their seats. Elphaba immediately eyed the sea of people. Dr. Dillamond smiled at the camera, before getting down to business, "So I never knew you two were together."

"Pfft, neither did we," Fiyero mumbled, gaining a laugh from the audience, as well as a few looks from the women in the crowd.

"We're not together." Elphaba clarified determinedly. Some sounds of relief were heard as well as some disappointed huffs.

"So you're both single?" the doctor clarified, also getting caught up on the latest gossip. Even though it had nothing to do with why they were there, but Fiyero being Fiyero had to steal the spotlight for himself.

"Yep, Prince Fiyero Tiggular is single at the present moment," winking at the audience. The women in the crowd went crazy and Elphaba rolled her eyes.

"Okay, let's get started," Dr. Dillamond said, "Madame Morrible says you've been you've been fighting a lot lately—"

"It's not just lately," Elphaba interrupted, "Every time I try to do something nice for him, he has to be a jerk and wreck it," throwing her hand up to emphasise her point.

Fiyero scoffed, "It's not my fault that your idea of nice is different from mine," he argued.

"Hey I've done lots of nice things for you lately like helping you study for the finals at Shiz, because you can't be bothered to study for yourself, and it would have been better if you haven't decided to throw that party in the library!" she yelled.

Fiyero was about to say something when Dr. Dillamond cut him off, "I can see what Madame Morrible meant," he said weakly fearing how the rest of the session would go.

They sunk back into their seats and muttered something under their breaths.

"Okay, from my experience, I realised the main reason people argue is because they're different," Dr. Dillamond alleged.

"Yeah, I'm not some, jerky, conceited prince," Elphaba snapped back.

"Oh yeah, how are you normal, you have that freakishly intelligent brain of yours."

"Intelligent, what a long word for such an underdeveloped brain of yours," she mocked and patted him on the head. The audience laughed and Fiyero sunk lower in his seat.

"So I'm guessing that because you're different you argue?" Dr. Dillamond concluded and not a moment too soon, he was getting a headache from their constant bickering.

Elphaba sunk lower into her seat, "He doesn't pick on anyone else, it's only me. It's like he hates me or something."

"Okay, so maybe difference isn't the reason you two argue," the doctor confirmed, trying to rack his brain for another reason, then smiling at the camera, "Some people argue to take out pressure."

"Prince Fiyero Tiggular, does not do pressure," he announced arrogantly.

Elphaba rolled her eyes, "And we get along with all our classmates, well more than him, than me, but we still get along."

"I'm not talking about other people, I'm talking about you two," Dr. Dillamond announce cunningly looking at the camera, "Do you put pressure on each other?"

He turned towards Elphaba and Fiyero who were mouthing insults to each other, until they started verbalising them.

"It's not my fault that you're self-centred jerk, who only cares about himself," Elphaba said.

"You must think I'm really stupid," he said standing up to look at her.

"No not _really_ stupid," she said sizing him up.

He tried a different angle, "Why is it every time I see you you're causing some commotion?" Waving his arms to show her what he meant.

She stepped in front of him, "I don't cause commotions, I am one," waving her hands to emphasise her point.

"That's for sure," he muttered.

"Oh, so you think I should keep my mouth shut is that what you think?"

"No, what I'm saying is—" she cut him off.

"Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care this much? Don't you think I know how easier my life would be if I didn't," she said, she was dangerously close to him now.

"Elphaba," he said cupping her face and looking in her eyes, "Stop talking," and he kissed her. She stiffened at the contact, but eventually relaxed and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

The audience awed and the women in the crowd scowled.

_Maybe couples therapy wasn't so bad. _They both thought. 

Then finally Dr. Dillamond understood their dysfunctional relationship, they didn't argue because they were different and not because they were pressuring each other or any reason for the matter, they argued because they were head over heels in love with each other. He turned back to them, and they were still kissing. _Do you two ever breathe? _Dr Dillamond wondered.

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**i told you it was random. It wasn't too bad, because i don't like it. **

**Larri**

**xxxx**

**ps. the last line was by Wicked' elphaba-fiyero in the story He's A She. Sorry i stole you're line, i couldn't resist. **


End file.
